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A Jamaican country prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the
stand --- a trail, a grandmotherly, elderly woman named Miss Ivy. He
approached her and asked "Miss Ivy, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes me noe yu Missa Williams. Me know yuh since
yu ah young bwoy an quite frankly, yu ah one big disappointment. Yu lie, yu
use fe tief bokkle and bruk people shap; yu gie yu wife bun, yu
manipulate people an talk su-su pan dem behine dem back. Yuh tink say yu a big
shat, an yu no noe say yu a go come to nutten. Dat fool-fool brains yu ave mek
yu a two-bit papa pusha. Yes, me noe yu - yu liad good fe nutten...."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what to do, he pointed across the room
and asked "Miss Ivy, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes mi do. Mi noe Missa Bradley since
'im was
a bwoy, too. Mi use to put on im nappy wen 'im piss it up. An 'im too is a
reel disappointment. 'Im lazy, 'im a batty man, 'im a drunk areaddy, an 'im
caan bild a normal relationship wid woman-cause a battyman sinting. 'Im law
practice is de wos inna de entiya Parish. Not fe mention 'im cheat pan 'im
wife wid tree diffrent man. 'Im ongle married dat nice lady cause 'im no waan
people fe know say 'im like man. Yes, me know 'im."
The defense attorney was also surprised and shocked. At this point, the
judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench,
and in a very quiet voice said, "If any a oonu axe har if she noe me,
oonu a go a jail fe contempt."
Author
unknown
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